Do you ever step on a Lego piece unexpectedly and want to scream because no one picked up any toys?
As a mom, I always took the concept of ‘play’ straight to heart. I wanted my young ones to focus on play and nothing else. I cleaned up their messes, and I even encouraged them to be messy – all because I didn’t want to limit them, cut their playtime short, or give them “chores” at such a young age.
When my eldest reached about two years old, I realized that this way of thinking didn’t make sense anymore. I was exhausted cleaning up after them all day, every day.
I read a few books on parenting and how to incorporate play most effectively, and I learned something important. Cleaning can be part of the learning process. Who said it had to be a chore? I mean, I know I did, but why? Perhaps clean-up has some ingrained stigma as if we are forcing someone to do something they don’t want to. But that’s a definition I created on my own and applied to my children!
As an evolving mother, I decided to make some changes to my clean-up approach. This new approach has yielded impressive results, and I want to share them with you.
This post may contain affiliate links, which means I’ll receive a commission if you purchase through my links, at no extra cost to you. Please read the full disclosure for more information.
This post is all about the steps you need to take to encourage toddlers to clean independently.
Seven steps to take to encourage toddlers to clean up their space independently:
I use the word ‘space’ because this doesn’t apply to just toys or their room. It could be the pots and pans in the kitchen they ‘neatly’ displayed all over the floor, or the shoes they decided to try on in the closet and left laying around the house. You get my point; it applies to any space that needs a clean-up from a toddler.
1. Stop cleaning after hours:
When my kids went to sleep, I cleaned the playroom that had toys scattered everywhere, every single day. I wanted the kids to wake up to a fresh, clean playroom the next morning. I did this for two whole years. Mind you, toy messes are limited in the early months, but after about eight months, there is much more play involved. Toys start to be tossed and thrown all over the place. While cleaning up after hours is okay during the first couple years, I don’t recommend it after two years.
After age two, the after-hours cleaning won’t nurture the behaviors you’re looking for in your toddler. Your toddler doesn’t see you cleaning, so there’s no subconscious appreciation. You are not helping your toddler learn that after play, there is also clean-up. If they don’t see it, how will they know it? This was my most significant ‘a-ha’ moment in this process.
2. Do clean up in front of your toddler:
It’s time to start cleaning up during ‘working’ hours or ‘play’ time. I recommend cleaning up before your toddler goes to bed. That way, your toddler has maximized play and is now seeing that clean-up time happens before bedtime.
At this stage, your toddler won’t necessarily help you. You still may be cleaning up the toys, but the important thing is that your toddler observes the process. Now they are slowly learning that clean-up happens after play. Someone needs to put back toys to bring some order to the room for that fresh space they wake up to every morning.
3. Ask your toddler for help:
Ask for help gently and without expectation. This might be in the form of saying, “Can you place the elephant on the shelf, please?” In the beginning, your toddler might decline, but keep asking every day. At some point, after a few or many asks, they will listen. The cleaning process will become intriguing and they will start ‘helping’ in their capacity, sometimes without even knowing it.
This won’t be consistent by any means, but your toddler’s spurts of assistance are teaching a valuable lesson. At times, they won’t like the idea of you placing the elephant on the shelf when they prefer it on the ground, but you can move on to clean other areas before coming back to the elephant. Adjust accordingly!
4. Give your toddler the chance to lead clean up, and you assist:
You know your toddler best. Gauge if your toddler is ready to take on the responsibility of clean up while you play the assistant role. Your role can be passing certain toys or clothes that need to be put away or guiding where certain items go or even encouraging your toddler’s hard work. They’re in the driver’s seat, and toddlers love feeling in control!
Toddlers are still children, so remember, there will be days when the clean-up process can feel like it’s taking forever. In these moments, patience is your best friend. Allow time for this learning to occur. This step takes the most time, in my opinion, but it’s worth it!
5. Make cleaning playful:
Who ever said that clean-up had to be boring? After my mindset shifted on this, I look back and think – what was I thinking or, worse yet, modeling for my children?! Cleaning is an essential skill. Why not learn it in a playful, positive way at a young age? Some people like singing songs while they clean, others make it a race, and others like setting goals so they can jump to the next fun task. “Chores” are only as fun as you make them. Children feel that energy, and if we as adults can make a daunting task fun, then children will enjoy it too!
6. Continue the routine:
I used these exact steps to encourage my toddlers to clean their playroom, clothes, books, etc., independently. I no longer have to spend my evenings cleaning up. Of course, I need to nudge them about it time and time again, but there is no longer any assistance from me, and that means less clean-up on my end!
Clean-up is part of our daily routine. If we read a book, we put it back before we grab another. The toy room gets cleaned before bed, and dirty clothes go into the laundry basket. Whatever routine you have landed on that works for your family, keep it going. The more you continue, the more this practice will grow. It becomes a natural behavior for your toddler instead of a new concept. Your toddler will start setting the table and wanting to clean up dishes before you know it. Children love routine; they love learning and understanding what comes next. If they see and participate in clean-up, they will soon understand that clean-up is part of their routine!
7. Do not micromanage:
Once your routine is established and your child is cleaning independently, avoid micromanaging the clean-up process. In my home, I have given my toddlers the freedom to place their toys the way they want, so they have real ownership. Sometimes it’s not the way I would do it, but that is entirely okay. It’s a learning process, and if we want them to continue developing their skills positively, it is essential to empower their initiative. If we adjust their clean-up process, they may feel inadequate or lose interest altogether. Over time, you’ll notice that your toddler will improve as they watch you clean up other areas of the home. Children love to mimic, and when they clean their space, this gives them a chance to do just that.
These are small tasks in the grand scheme of parenting, but these small tasks make a difference in your child’s life and yours in the long term. It’s one less room for you to clean, and it’s a great skill for your toddler to develop—and continue developing!
Cleaning up brings a sense of accomplishment. How do you feel when your home is tidy? When you can enjoy a nice cup of tea without the angst of endless things to clean? Now imagine how your toddler feels when they know they’re responsible for making a specific space tidy and contributing to your good mood. Children feel the energy that comes from us.
I have personally witnessed my children’s cleaning skills develop after addressing my limiting beliefs and focusing on how I incorporate cleaning into our daily routine. If you have multiple children, this skill will be even more vital!
This post is all about the steps you need to take to encourage toddlers to clean independently.
What are some of your tips to encourage toddlers to clean their space?
